Vice Ganda Banats

Sa Opisina.

vice: pasok mo nga dito yung mga papeles ko..
assistance: ser saan ko ipapasok , dito sa loob"?
vice: hinde sa labas, ipasok nga diba.pwede bang ipasok sa labas, sige nga subukang mong ipasok doon sa labas

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Another Day
Kararating Lang sa Opis..
assistance: hi. good morning po ser nandito na po pala kayo
vice: hinde wala pa, picture ko lang toh, hindi pa ako to

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Naospital yung pamangkin, kasi buntis (dinugo)...

Pang-asar na pamatay na banat

student: Buti pa ang saging meh puso! Pero ikaw sir... WALA !

Prof: Aba'y kung ganyanan lang eh... Buti pa ang sisig may utak!

Eh Ikaw, WALA !

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 "lam mo para kang hipon, katawan lang may pakinabang, ulo tapon."

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ano size ng ulo mo? bilhan kita ng bayong para hindi ka na pagtawanan ng tao

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ano kaya feeling ng panget? hirap siguro no?

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 remark on an acne prone person:
"lam mo, Mukha kang pimple na tinubuan ng mukha!"

15 Easy April Fools' Day Pranks to Try At Home and Work

Tomorrow is April Fools' Day. Are you prepared? Add these simple yet hysterical gags to your arsenal before you become a trickster's target.

1.    This one's for diabolical parents: When the kids are sound asleep, switch them to each other's beds. Just make sure you're there to see their reactions when they wake up!

2.    Change your victim's cell phone settings from English to another language.

3.    Replace the cream filling of Oreos with toothpaste, then invite your target for a snack.

Easter SMS/Text Messages

Easter says
you can put
truth in a grave,
but it won't stay there.

Easter bring Fun, Easter bring Happiness,
Easter bring God Endless Blessings,
Easter bring fresh love...
Happy Easter to You
with all best wishes

May Lord bless you on
this auspicious day of Easter,
and May it be a new beginning

10 Smile SMS

Here are some fresh quotes that can make you smile. Some of them may sound sarcastic but partially true.

Smile tames old enemies and wins new friends.

Pride is that creepy feeling when we pat ourselves on the back for looking down on someone else.

Smile is infectious to others, but laughter can be dangerous.

Guilt is what builds up when you commit sin and try to forget about about it.

Smile! Because you have just received a text message from someone hoping you are fine. Good a.m.

Chinese New Year Messages

Happy Chinese New Year. (Cantonese) Kung Hei Fat Choi. (Mandarin) Gong Xi Fa Cai.

May God from whom all blessings flow and with HIS boundless grace and goodness bring you a wealth of inspiration,good health and joy this year.HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Wishing you a year of health, wealth, happiness, warmth and loads of love for and from your dear ones. Hope the New Year showers you with all that is beautiful. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

For this year and beyond, we wish your family good health, prosperity, happiness and love. Gong Hei Fat Choi!

Love Messages for Him

Stepping my feet on your feet, hugging you around your shoulders, looking deep into your eyes, kissing our lips…want to feel you fully with your kisses!

I feel your warmth with your hugs, I feel your romance with your kisses, I feel your love with your presence and I feel my life with your life!

The most memorable day in my whole life, the day when I heard you whispering into my ears, those 3 sweet little words – I LOVE YOU!

I started admiring even the simple things in my life after I fell in love with you. I am admiring a lot even the fluttering of birds, kids smile, dripping of droplets etc.

Morning Love Messages

Was the past real or is it just in my memory? I really could not understand science or philosophy. But I'm sure something in the past was true, and that's when I fell in love with you.

"One look at you and I know that I could learn to live without the rest, I've found the best..."

I wish you a day of love and pleasant memories, a day of little things to smile about, a day of peace and happiness in your heart... May GOD grant you always a sheltering angel so nothing can harm you, laughter to cheer, good friends near you, and whenever you pray, HEAVENS to hear you. Good morning friend.

Do not choose the better guy, choose a guy who will make u a better girl...

Pick up line for the day: "My love for you is like a diarrhea...'coz I can't hold it!"

I Like You Messages

Some love one, some love two. I love one, and that is you.

R we friends or r we not, U told me once but i 4got, of all d m8s ive eva met, ur d 1 i wont 4get, n if i die b4 u do, i will go 2 heaven & wait 4 u!

Science has proved that Sugar melts in water.. So pls dOn't walk in rain.. otherwise i wil lose such a SWEET person like yOu..

God sprinkles tiny but wonderful seeds of blessings on earth each day...and I just caught one that's so nice and true...it's YOU !

I have liked many but loved very few.yet no-one has been as sweet as u.I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.just for the pleasure of a moment with u.